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Life On A Psychiatric Ward

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW 

Me and my sister visiting mum in hospital 
Have you ever wondered was life is like on a psychiatric ward? Well, I have, which is why I asked my mum to undertake an interview, answering questions I wanted to know. If you are a loyal reader, you may know that my mum was admitted to multiple psychiatric hospitals. If you didn't know this, you might want to read 'My Experiences Of Mental Health' post for further information. Before you read this interview, I would like to thank my mum for taking part and sharing her profound experiences with us. 

     1. While in hospital, were there any rules you had to follow?


There were rules in every hospital I stayed in. Most of them were made to feel like a routine, for example we all had a 'bed time' where we had to be in our rooms by midnight which meant that the people who smoked had to have their last cigarette before going to their rooms. This was difficult for me, because I was extremely manic and at the time was suffering with insomnia. However, when I was sectioned and made to go to a private hospital, the rules felt less restrictive. I was able go for a cigarette at any time, and so, often sat outside smoking in the dark. They also made it feel more homely in the private hospital as visitors were allowed in your room, whilst in the NHS hospitals, it was encouraged that children were not allowed on the ward at all. However, this I did not disagree on because I believed that it was for the best.  

     2. Was there every any contraband?

Contraband was everywhere. It would range from blades and pills hidden to be later used for self-harm, to alcohol and drugs being consumed outside whilst smoking used to further numb pain. 
It was always easy to get it into the building as only our bags were searched. So, anything carried on ourselves, were never detected. I once carried in my own contraband of alcohol. I had a bottle of vodka, Smirnoff ice and WKD which I had hidden in my room. One of the other patients had told the staff that I had it which resulted in me being interrogated by a staff member. When I was asked about the alcohol, I was too honest for my own good. I gave her my least favourite bottle first, in hope that she would leave thinking I only had one bottle. Unfortunately for me, she asked if I had any more so of course I handed over another bottle. At this point I thought that she might be satisfied but again she wasn't. I ended up giving her all three bottles because I cannot lie. Whenever I try to, it is plastered all over my face.

     3. How was the food? 

Surprisingly the food was really good. It was actually better than what was served in the main hospital. However, the food in the private hospital was the best; it made me feel like I was in a restaurant. 

     4. Did you feel like you were treated differently by the staff because you were 'mentally ill'?

Of course, but it was somewhat natural.They were staff, employed to do a job. They had a choice to be there. Whereas, for some of us, our choices were taken away. Even if we were there voluntarily, it was almost like a last chance for some of us to sort out our shit! This meant that our choices were limited. What I learnt from my time being a patient, was that stress hits you in different ways. Even when the staff were stressed, they had to remain professional, during staff shortages, and conflict with patients. What I found difficult was that most staff did not know how to deal with our frequent, overwhelming emotions. 

     5. How did it feel being on the other side after previously working in a psychiatric hospital?

I didn’t think about it at first, as my thoughts were so manic and my behaviour was unpredictable. After being in hospital for about three months, someone that I had previously worked with on a psychiatric ward came to the hospital I was admitted to as a trainee mental health nurse.This caused me masses of anxiety and caused a lot of unwanted negative thoughts and feelings. I guess I felt ashamed and embarrassed that she was seeing me at my worst, especially because we had a history of not liking each other.

     6. Did you feel like it helped being in hospital or did you feel further isolated from society?

Although I feel that being there was the best decision for me and my family, I became institutionalised very quickly. I stopped wanted to see anyone, even my two beautiful girls. I shut down for a while and did not leave my room for days. I would make excuses to not see my daughters, to avoid any contact with the outside world. Instead, I would sit outside on a bench, smoking and talking to other patients, while consuming any available contraband. Although in some ways I was trying to heal and recover, I acted very selfishly and to be honest, I liked the isolation it gave me. Being in hospital was like going on holiday without any responsibilities. I had a lot of fun, but at the same time, I was falling apart, and at times felt and acted like a crazy person. 

     7. What did you do to kill time?

It would depend on my mood. Some days I would isolate myself in my room, and others I would sit outside with the other patients, drinking coffee and smoking endless cigarettes. Sometimes even joints, if any available.  At one point, I began to write poetry and for a while this consumed my time. Once written, I would take my laptop outside and read them to some of the other patients. 

     8. What were the other patients like? Did you make any friends?

I did make some friends whilst in hospital, but I always knew that the friendship wouldn't be maintained once we left. I did see and hear from a couple of people once I left but never remained in contact; not because I didn't like them but because my life can at times still be emotionally overwhelming and due to huge trust issues, I do not let many people into my life. Being in hospital was not like living in the real world. Making friends in there was difficult as sometimes they would come and go so quickly. 

     9. How did it feel when you left? Did you lose any life skills?

Leaving hospital bought about its own set of challenges. When I left hospital, we were all moving into a new home together and I still did not feel particularly great. I was overwhelmed at times with the responsibility of bringing up two children, when at times I couldn’t even look after myself. You were amazing, but unfortunately, you had to become a young carer, which at times meant looking after yourself, me and your sister. Whilst I wish that you hadn’t gone through those experiences I am so very proud of how well you have coped and the young woman you are becoming. As for losing life skills, I have realised that every time I break, it takes a while to put myself back together. I forget how to do certain things sometimes, especially cooking and still struggle now after coming out of hospital eight years ago. I do ok though, with the help from you, Morgan and Pedro.

     10. Do you feel any less crazy now than you did 8 years ago?

Yes, however crazy is now just a word to me! I do feel more self-aware now due to my training in counselling, however I still have all the same symptoms I had eight years ago. It's just now I have learnt to control my emotions but of course I still struggle and at times try to hide away from the world. 

Thank you very much for taking your time to read this. Subscribe for more and don't forget to follow me on Twitter and Instagram.
MM




Advice That Shouldn’t Be Given To Those With Anxiety

Do These Tips Actually Help?





If you are new to my blog, Hi. If not, welcome back. If you have read my previous posts, you may know that I suffer with anxiety and have done for a frustrating amount of time. Unfortunately this puts a huge strain on my life, often leaving me to feel completely helpless. If you have anxiety yourself, I'm sure you can sympathise with the sleepless nights, heart palpitations and the unwillingness to leave the comfort of your home... Or maybe that's just me?
I feel that a lot of people visualise anxiety as just a minor stump in a person's life that can be overcome by just "getting over it" and to "stop thinking about it". However, unless you want to make that person feel like their problems are trivial and insignificant, these two statements should never be said; it only makes things worse. I am so fed up of these people being wronged by others who are giving lousy advice.

I went onto the NHS website and browsed through their tips on how to reduce and cope with anxiety and I thought it might be a good idea to review their advice and let you guys know whether or not these tips have helped me.

Be Active 

Being active and exercising is suppose to help improve your mental wellbeing. Personally, I cannot tell you whether or not it does actually work because I can never find the motivation long enough to exercise regularly. However, I can see how it may help. Exercising could bring you a greater sense of self-esteem which may then reduce your anxiety. Although, surely this would all depend on what is causing your anxiety in the first place. I agree that your anxiety may be lowered throughout the duration of your exercise because it is a good distraction. However, unless your anxiety is provoked by insecurities in the way you look, I don't believe that exercising is going to help alleviate any anxiety. 

Take Control



Having anxiety can sometimes make people feel as though they lose some sense of control. It can often feel like anxiety has completely taken over your mind and body, leaving you lost within yourself, without an escape route. In order to help yourself relieve some anxiety, you need to be able to your find your way out. I know it is extremely hard but you need to try and gain back some control and reject the temptation to sink further into it. 

Connect With People

Easier said than done. I find that socialising with people is one of the hardest things for me to do. I can be quite an awkward anti social person who shudders at the thought of meeting new people. I've always hated those people who makes everyone go around the room and introduce themselves to the rest of the group. Some people just don't understand the impact that has on anyone suffering from anxiety. Sometimes I do wish that I had more friends but actually I would rather have fewer friends that I can truly trust than be surrounded by people that don't always understand the impacts of anxiety and instead see it as a burden on their life.

Have Some 'Me Time'

This tip may work for others but it's not for everyone. For me, this wouldn't work because I hate the thought of being alone. I have mass separation anxiety from both my mum and my boyfriend so it is very difficult for me to be away from them for too long. Obviously this is not healthy and I am working on it but for me, being on my own would only make my anxiety a whole lot worse. 

Challenge Yourself

I really like this tip. In order to help relieve some anxiety you need to be able to challenge your thoughts and mind set. I try to do this as often as possible. It's not going to get rid of your anxiety completely but it may be able to slowly ease it down to a bearable amount. You don't have to set yourself ridiculous goals and challenges but little ones that can be done in your day to day life. For example, I sometimes find it very difficult to do my food shopping because I don't like feeling exposed to the world and feel that supermarkets are too busy, which makes me feel claustrophobic. I always battle in my head and try to avoid going but I set myself a challenge and force myself to do it. This doesn't help my anxiety at that moment but it does make me feel better about the fact that I can still be a 'normal' person and do normal day to day stuff. 

Avoid Unhealthy Habits 

Picking up unhealthy habits is really easy to do when you are feeling low. A lot of people become addicted to something, (whether that be drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, smoking etc) because at the time, it makes you feel as though your anxiety is more bearable. For me, I am a smoker and I know it's unhealthy but at this point in my life, I don't feel the need to quit. However, I don't smoke to relieve anxiety because I know it doesn't work. I know many people who have taken up drugs and alcohol to help them cope with their anxiety because at the time, it works. I am not going to tell anyone what they should and shouldn't be doing because I am not here to judge. If taking drugs helps your anxiety, who am I to tell you to stop? All I will say is that, unhealthy habits will not help in the long run unless you find the causes of your anxiety.

Help Other People

Helping other people can be a really good way to make yourself feel better. Being able to use your own experiences and knowledge and put it to good use can feel really rewarding. Personally I find it quite therapeutic. I enjoy writing blog posts about my life experience in hope that they can help people, because not only does it help me release some emotions, it allows people to relate to it. Although helping other people may help you put your anxiety to good use, you shouldn't overdo it and overwhelm yourself. Only take on what you can handle because otherwise you will become so deep into everyone elses problems that you won't be able to cope with your own which of course, will not help your anxiety. 

Work Smarter Not Harder

Prioritising your time can sometimes be really hard, especially when you have anxiety because even the smaller and insignificant tasks can become overwhelming. For example, the other day I wrote a do to list and on there was "Call the Doctors". Although this would appear the easiest and quickest task on my list, I found it really difficult and avoided it at all costs. I find that writing a do to list does help me priortise my time because I can see it visually written down rather than trying to decipher and remember everything in my head. 

Try To Be Positive 

This is probably the hardest thing for me to do because I am such a negative person when feeling anxious. When people try to cheer me up and they tell me to look at the positives, I find myself getting annoyed because at that specific time, I don't want to think positively. Although thinking positively can help make you feel better, I find that usually it makes me feel better to just be negative and have a rant, or cry and be totally dramatic because at least I am getting my emotions out rather than masking them by pretending that everything will be ok.  

Accept The Things You Can't Change 

In order to help yourself, you need to focus on the things that you can do to change the way you feel rather than dwelling on what you cannot control. This does not mean you shouldn't talk about these things and express you way that you feel, but pondering over something you can't change will only make you feel worse. A lot of my anxiety comes from my childhood and I accept that I cannot change what happened to me but what I can change how I lead my life as an adult.

My Advice 

After reading these tips, I realised that some of them may work. However, I don't believe that any of them will help unless you are aware of what causes your anxiety. In order to start soothing yourself into recovery, you need to recgonise your triggers and try to understand why they are there. Talking about your anxiety and how it impacts on your life is really helpful, rather than bottling it all up. I've done that way too many times and eventually it just becomes excruciating.  Personally, I truly believe that I will always have anxiety, however I know that if I start working through my deep rooted problems, I may be able to lessen it and learn how to cope with it. 

Thank you very much for taking your time to read this. Subscribe for more and don't forget to follow me on Twitter and Instagram.

MM

Valentine’s Special

How I Met Pedroseph 

This is the story of how I met the love of my life; very cheesy, I know. Many people will and have questioned my relationship with Pedro due to the fact I am only 18. They believe that we are too young to know what love is but I couldn't disagree more!

Me and Pedro have been together for over 2 years now. Within those years we have made each other cry, laugh, scream and shout but most importantly we have helped each other become the best people we could possibly be.

How did we meet? 

I met Pedro eight years ago when I was ten. It was during the summer holidays after we had just finished our final years of primary school. We didn't go to the same school, but we had mutual friends who brought us both together. We would meet up almost everyday and do the conventional things kids did when I was that age, well almost.. Us and our friends would hide in the woods and find hollow sticks that were smokable. I guess they were a cheap but unsophisticated alternative to cigarettes. Also, you have to bear in mind, we were very inexperienced so although this probably impacted on our health, we thought we were cool.
So in a nutshell, Mine and Pedro's bond grew through the participation of smoking sticks.

So, as you can imagine we had an awesome summer but like everything else, it came to an end. However, fortunately for us, we had both chosen to go to the same high school. Me and Pedro became very good friends, I mean we had our ups and downs but we still do even now. We actually got so close that we decided to use the label of boyfriend and girlfriend but that lasted a whole two minutes, like all year 7 relationships. Even when we ended our 'relationship' we stayed very good friends however, if you have read my previous post, you will know that I had to move schools which sadly resulted in loss of contact. Obviously this didn't happen straight away. We would always talk on msn (remember that great invention?) but then 'always' turnt to occasionally and then 'occasionally' became rarely. This was a gradual process but it ended with us moving on and so, we stopped talking.

If only this is where the story ended😂😜

How did we reunite?

In June 2014, I entered a shop with my mum to buy a birthday present for one of our family members, only to find that Pedro actually worked there. This was quite a shock because this was the first time in 3 or 4 years I had seen him, but no need to worry, I was really calm and collected. Oh, I wish that were true!! So here's what really happened. I went into the shop completely blind to the fact he was in there until we got up to the counter. When I did notice him and recognised who he was, I completely freaked out! I didn't have any makeup on and in all honestly I looked a complete mess so I decided it would be a good idea to hide behind one of the shelves. By this point he had already spotted me and so I just made myself look like a complete and utter twat. What made this situation even worse what the fact that my mum, as smooth as she is, said "Why are you hiding?" so even if he hadn't noticed me hiding already, he definitely would have by this point. 
Because I am also really smooth (I must have inherited it from her) I went home and then messaged him a couple of days later telling him that I saw him.. Like, as if he didn't already know. This was clearly just an excuse I could find to talk to him again. From there, our relationship grew stronger and we got to know each other again. This was the start of our adult relationship.

What happened next?

Me and Pedro would talk to each other almost every day, however due to past relationships on both sides, we had some rocky experiences. At first, I appeared very uninterested and wasn't really looking for a relationship. In all honestly, I didn't believe that I even liked him any more than a friend. That was until I thought I had lost him! So I had planned to meet Pedro for the first time in years but on the day, I became too anxious and just didn't feel like meeting. So, I cancelled our plans and told him that I didn't think there was ever going to be anything between us and that I was into somebody else. Looking back on it now, I genuinely believe that I was just pushing him away because we were getting too close and I have a habit of pushing when things start to go well. This really hurt Pedro and so we stopped speaking.. again. I don't remember exactly how we started talking again but we did and that is when my feelings really started to grow. We told each other things that no one else knew and would stay up chatting early hours of the mornings. We met up a couple of times and it felt like I had known him for ages! I felt like such a child when I spoke to him. Every time my phone went off and I got a message from him, I would smile before I had even read it. The butterflies he gave me were overwhelming. So things were going great, until I realised that Pedro's ex girlfriend was not so much an ex. 

Pedro's relationship with his ex was very toxic and controlling on her part. He was no angel but she is the devil. I won't sit here and rant and rave about her because she isn't worth the time and quite frankly, it just feels bitchy. However, in order to tell this story, you need to know the facts and for the sake of confidentiality, lets call her Meg. 

Pedro had been in a relationship with Meg on and off for years previous to our relationship. So, of course her jealousy side came out when she heard about me. Normally this is I can sympathise with, however her jealousy played out in her behaviour and felt like she could control Pedro. By this point, we had been speaking all day every day for about 4 months so when she forced Pedro to stop speaking to me, I felt completely broken. Experiencing this feeling made me realise what it must have felt like when I pushed him away first.

How did you end up in a relationship?

After we had both cooled down from a huge arguement that followed these events, Pedro reached out to me again and we spoke everything through. We admitted our mistakes and taught each other to understand why we did what we did. I invited Pedro to stay with me the night and it was one of the best nights of my life; sleeping next to the person I love for the very first time. 

The next day, we went for a walk and talked through our relationship and disclosed our feelings for each other. Pedro wasn't sure how to ask me to be his girlfriend without sounding like a little school boy so instead he said to me "You're my girlfriend now" and I happily agreed. 

Although our relationship didn't start off the smoothest of ways, I wouldn't change any of it for the world. We have fought through every battle we have come across and will continue to do that for the rest of our lives. 

Thank you very much for taking your time to read this. Subscribe for more and don't forget to follow me on Twitter and Instagram.

See you in another post.


MM




My Experiences of Mental Health

Living With Mental Health 

Before I write this post, I would like to give you all the opportunity to brace yourselves for what you are about to read. This will not be light hearted and may affect many people. However, I refuse to exclude the times that were fun because let's be fair, my life hasn't been all that bad. I am in no way trying to offend anyone, I am simply here to tell my story and in hope that it will help at least someone develop some kind of awareness of both themselves and mental illness as a whole. This is now your last chance to escape before we take a dark turn. 

I was once told that everybody will experience anxiety at least once in their life. I can't speak for anyone else but I can disclose that I have suffered from mass anxiety for a very long time and think that I will always carry it with me, whether or not it decreases in time, I do not know. Anxiety is one of those things that I find hard to explain. If somebody asked me face to face to explain it, I would probably freeze and give the same answer I always give when attempting to talk about my feeling: "I don't know". Now that's not necessarily a lie but it isn't the truth either. I am the type of person who shies away from questions like "what's wrong?" or "how do you feel?" and for this I blame my childhood. I am working on this to try and be more open but I often encounter battles within my head that I never seem to win. 

My explanation of anxiety 

Anxiety is an evil, breathtaking pain that often leaves me clenching at my stomach. It will linger throughout the day and repeatedly results in restlessness and uneasiness. When I open my eyes after a restless night's sleep, for a second I feel placid, the world is completely peaceful, until my brain kicks in and it hits me like a ton of bricks. "Oh hi there anxiety, you're back already?". I lay there not wanting to get up but knowing that I have to go to work. I walk around as if I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have learnt to set my alarm later so that I have less time to get ready and so, less time to think about the anxiety pulsing through my body. 

Although I do suffer from anxiety and levels of depression, this post is not about my mental health.

Living with a mentally ill mother 

In 2009 when I was only 11 years old, my mother was sectioned and sent away to a hospital on a psychiatric ward, which presented devastating effects for my family. She was then diagnosed with Bipolar which was later changed to Borderline Personality Disorder. For those who don't know what these are, I will list some of the symptoms below:
  • Depression
  • Mania 
  • Lack of concern, regret or remorse about other people's distress
  • Irresponsibility 
  • Little ability to tolerate frustration 
  • Difficulty in sustaining long-term relationships 
  • Failure to take responsibility 
  • Moving quickly from one emotional state to another 
  • Being self-centred 
  • Difficulty making decisions 
  • Becoming more susceptible to addictions  
  • Hearing voice 
There are so many more symptoms surrounding these disorders but these are the main ones that apply to my mum. So as you can imagine, this was very scary for me and my little sister (Morgan) who at the time was only 5. Some days were better than others but overall I was just a little girl that had to grow up faster than the other girls my age.


What I witnessed before the diagnosis 

Before my mum was sectioned, I lived with both her and Morgan and she appeared to be showing signs of psychosis way before she was diagnosed with anything. Her being the only adult in our household made it very difficult for me as I eventually had to take on the motherly role for both her and Morgan. Of course, at this age I had no idea that she was suffering from her mental health and just assumed that this would be life I would have to lead. Throughout this stage in my life, I experienced many crazy things, some that were fun and others that still haunt me to this day. Although I have tried to block all memories of this out of my head, there are still some that have stuck with me. 
During this period, my mum was very unpredictable. I could come home one day to find presents on my bed and a plan of all the exciting things we are going to do that day.. Or I could come home to find our entire dinner set scattered across our kitchen floor. She was also very impulsive and spontaneous, where a lot of her actions were a consequence of carelessness. A perfect example of this is when she attempted to set fire to a heap of cardboard outside our house. That doesn't sounds too bad now does it? It wouldn't be if our house wasn't on the top floor of a block of flats, obstructing our only fire escape. Luckily for everyone, me and a friend of hers, managed to knock some sense into her and she realised that it wasn't as good of an idea as she initially thought. Although her abrupt behaviour was bad enough, the thing that affected me the most was her performance of self harm. Despite the fact that she tried her hardest to hide it from me, I was no longer naive to believe that it wasn't happening. I remember getting ready to go out with my friends one evening when I saw the cuts on her wrist. When I asked her about it, she tried to tell me that it was a scratch from the dog but there was no fooling me and she knew it. We both started to cry and I told her that I would cancel on my plans to stay in with her. That was something I would do often, not only because I felt like I needed to protect her but because I gained mass separation anxiety from being away from her. This is still something I sometimes have to battle with now. My mum managed to encourage me to go out because she didn't want to be the reason for cancelling on my friends and wanted me to have some fun. I decided it may be a good idea to have a distraction so I did go out, however, I had no fun at all. All I could think about is her and what she was doing. I was worried that she would take it too far and that I would come home one day and she be laying on the floor dead. My mind has always gone to the worse possible place in any anxiety provoking situation.


Being separated from my mother 

My mum spent 5 months in and out of hospitals, one of which was almost a 2 hour drive from where I was living. During this separation, I lived with my mum's dad and had to move to a different high school due to convenience. This was really hard for me because I was already going through such a rough time and starting fresh at a new school added to the pressure. What made this whole situation so much worse was the fact that me and Morgan were split up. She went to live with her nan and grandad from her dad's side because they were able to get her to and from her school without her being made to move too. My whole family was falling apart in front of my eyes and I had no control over it whatsoever. Me and Morgan tried to see each other as much as we could but with school commitments, we only ever really had the weekends. We also tried to visit our mum as often as we could but she was going through so much that sometimes she wouldn't want to see us, which I guess is understandable. She wouldn't want us knowing the extent of her problems. Not being able to see her and Morgan whenever I wanted was excruciating and I would never wish that upon someone else. The people that me and Morgan were staying with were not very supportive, nor did they understand our emotional outbursts so we were both forced to keep it all in and act as if everything was ok. 

Although my life at this point was falling apart, one of my favourite memories of me and my mum was when I went to visit her on my own. We sat on the field outside the hospital eating sandwiches and chatted for hours. For everyone else, this must sounds so boring but for me it felt like my world was finally piecing back together. 

Recovery 

It's been over nine years since these traumatic experiences and I can't lie in saying that as a family, we still struggle with our issues but we do in together. Me, my mum and my sister now all have such a close relationship. Some may even say we are inseparable. This means so much to me because we have all been through so much and have come out of it stronger than ever. Now that I am older, I understand more about mental illnesses and have come to my own conclusion that they don't exist. Personally I believe that the symptoms are just acts performed by your trapped inner children, which is caused by childhood traumatic events. My mum still suffers from PTSD but I would no longer consider her to be crazy or mentally ill, she is purely trying to come to terms with her childhood. 

Thank you very much for taking your time to read this. Subscribe for more and don't forget to follow me on Twitter and Instagram.

MM







 


Who Am I?

Getting To Know The Real Me

Hello everyone, It's Millie here. As you can all see, this is my first blog post on 'Millies Moments'. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about posting this because I have always been the type of person that keeps themselves to themselves. I don't tend to put all my cards on the table and have more insecurities than I'd like to admit. During the beginning of last year, I built myself a blog where I felt able to express myself however, I only managed to create a total of three blog posts. Due to my life becoming very hectic, I lost the energy to continue writing and therefore made the decision to delete my blog entirely. Although 2016 was a tough year for me and my family, I have entered this year knowing more about myself and am trying to learn to wonders of positivity.

Whenever you meet someone for the first time and they say "Tell me something about yourself", does anyone else freak the fuck out? I can never think of anything interesting to say so I end up saying something dumb like "I'm Millie and I like dogs". Although I do really loves dogs, It's not a very interesting fact to tell someone you've just met! So, I think It's pretty clear that I'm not very good at introducing myself but I'm going to attempt it anyway. I'm hoping that the security of being behind a computer screen will give me more confidence and allow me to achieve this successfully.



Background

I am 18 years old living in a flat that I rent with my partner, Pedro (www.pedroseph.co.uk). We have been together for over 2 years now and I couldn't be happier. When I was born, my mum was only 16 so as you can imagine, a lot of people judged but of course she didn't care what anyone else thought. Me and my mum lived alone for 4 years until she met my sister's dad. 2 years after he moved in, they brought my little sister into this world. Although I did adore her and loved showing her off to people at school, it was no secret that I had a massive jealousy problem. For 6 years prior to this, I was the center of the world and it changed so suddenly, so of course, it was natural that I would feel put out. Speaking of school, I have always had issues with bullying and making friends but that's a story for another day. If I am completely honest, I don't remember much of my childhood as I have suppressed a lot of my memories but I am hoping that during this year, I can work through my issues and try to uncover some of my shit.


Hobbies/Interests

This is another thing I find hard to discuss. I feel that I have next to no hobbies and haven't for as long as I can remember. I mean, when I was little I would collect the conventional things like stones and shells but also had some rather peculiar collections of woodlice and other small creatures. I notice that I am not really painting the nicest picture of myself but hey, everyone reading this will form an opinion on me regardless, so it makes sense to present the real me so that I can respect all attitudes and judgements that come my way. So, as you can tell, I was strange child and I am more than happy to share with you some more weird and wonderful stories of my childhood at a later date. But back to the hear and now.. I live quite a busy life which can feel overwhelming sometimes but I do enjoy what I do. I work in a residential home as a support worker, contracted for 30 hours a week, which is usually spread out over 4/5 days. In my spare time, I work alongside a charity that was founded last year by one of my mum's closest friends. The charity is named 'Daisy Chain' and we work towards creating awareness of our views on abuse, mental health and other related topics. We have many goals for the future and if you would like to hear more about the Charity, I will be posting a blog on their website and will let you know when it's up for everyone to read. Another commitment I now have is, Millies Moments! I have set myself a goal to post at least one post every week and to stay interactive. Writing is a passion of mine as I enjoy getting immersed into the words and quite frankly, it is my way of letting out my emotions. I find it difficult to verbally communicate my feelings and so, find it therapeutic to let them out through stories and posts.


Dreams/Goals

Although I do take comfort and pleasure into my writing, my goal in life, is not to become and well recognised blogger. I have no interest in 'fame' and honestly couldn't think of anything worse than walking down the street and being stopped for a photo or signature; I cherish my privacy too much. I do believe that I will always use writing as a coping mechanism in some way, however my true dream is much different. Remember when I said I like dogs? Well that was a true understatement.. I am the type of person that spends 99% of the time on  Facebook and Twitter looking at cute pictures and videos of cute dogs. I do not have my own dog because I am not allowed one where I live but in the future, I am hoping to have as many as humanly possible; this is not a joke! My ultimate goal in life is to run a business where I have my own kennel, catering for all types of dogs which fulfills the needs of all of them. This is partially due to my own unfortunate experience where my dog had to stay in a kennel due to the homelessness of me and my family. The duration of her stay was around 5 months and it killed us knowing that she was miserable. I will go into more detail about this event in my life in another post, but basically, this gave me inspiration to have a place that does everything it can to prevent distress for these animals.

So now that I have introduced myself, it is your turn to make your judgements. Thank you very much for taking your time to read this. Subscribe for more and don't forget to follow me on Twitter and Instagram.


See you in another post.


MM